Finding Yourself Without Alcohol
My name’s Tim. I’m 37, a musician, a father of three, and someone who knows just how deep addiction can take you. Just over a year ago, I was drinking a litre of whiskey a day, hiding bottles around the house, completely in denial. Now, I’m in recovery, and I want people to know that no matter how bad things get, there’s always a way out.
“I Couldn’t Stop – I Became an Addict”
My substance use started back in school. It began with smoking weed with my mates, then experimenting with heavier drugs. But while others could stop, I couldn’t. I became an addict.
By the time I was a teenager, I was selling drugs, and things spiraled out of control. Before I even realised what was happening, I was smoking crack, had no money, lost my flat, and ruined relationships. It all got out of hand so quickly.
“We Partied Way Too Much – I Don’t Know How I’m Still Alive”
Music has always been a huge part of my life. I played in a punk band, gigging two or three nights a week. It was wild—being up all night, partying every weekend. The lifestyle just fed my addiction.
Looking back, we went way too hard. At the time, it felt normal. Everyone was drinking, using, going all night. But now? I honestly don’t know how I’m still alive.
I’d used drugs for most of my adult life, but it was only when my marriage broke down two years ago that alcohol really took hold.
Before that, drinking was just part of going out, part of the scene. But after my relationship ended, everything changed. Before I knew it, I was drinking half a litre to a litre of whiskey every single day.
A year ago, I woke up in my parents’ house with the worst hangover. I’d snuck a bottle of whiskey into my room the night before and finished the lot.
My first thought wasn’t “I need to stop.” It was “I need to get to the shop for more whiskey.”
My parents were telling me I was drinking too much, but I was in total denial. I kept saying, “No, I’m fine,” the usual stuff. But in that moment, something clicked. I knew they were right.
“I Found an Empty Whiskey Bottle in My Guitar Case”
I reached out to the Gwent Drug and Alcohol Service (GDAS) and got onto a harm reduction program. That helped me come off both alcohol and drugs.
The strange thing is, I don’t think I would’ve tackled the drug problem if I hadn’t sorted the drinking first. The tools I learned for alcohol addiction helped me stop everything else.
The other day, I picked up my guitar and found an empty whiskey bottle inside the case. I didn’t even remember putting it there. That’s how bad it was—I was hiding bottles all over the place without even realising it.
“People Shouldn’t Be Afraid to Reach Out”
I count myself lucky. A lot of people are struggling with addiction right now, especially with lockdown isolating them. I worry about what’s going to happen when things open up again—services could be completely overrun.
That’s why I want people to know that support is still out there. Barod and Kaleidoscope have launched the Time to Brew campaign to get people the help they need. People shouldn’t be afraid to reach out.
Drinking is creeping into people’s daily routines, and I see it everywhere. It feels like a holiday, so people drink more. But alcohol is a depressant. It’s not an answer, it’s not an escape. Even just taking a few days off drinking can be a wake-up call.
“Whenever I Feel Down, I Do Something That Isn’t Alcohol-Related”
Right now, I’m staying with my parents, and I talk to my kids on FaceTime every day.
Lockdown has been hard. I’ve never been apart from my kids for more than a week, and now it’s been seven. But I know what I need to do to keep myself in the right headspace.
Whenever I start feeling low, I do something—exercise, music, anything to occupy my mind. And that’s the message I want to pass on. You don’t have to let alcohol or drugs control your life. There is help, and there is a way forward.
